Friday, October 9, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is the Canadian Thanksgiving this weekend. I am not sure of our plans as of yet, but we will either have a turkey dinner here, or perhaps go out for lunch after church on Sunday. We tried to buy a turkey today....but the smallest they had was 30 lbs....quite a bit for 5 people.

I have a lot of difficulty with all of the major holidays....they are a huge family time but our extended families have always had other plans....which leaves us on our own. I find it difficult to get through the day, while all of our friends around us are getting together with their families. It really magnifies the fact we are not. I feel bad for my children too as they will not have the memories of family holidays. When I think back to my childhood Christmases....they were the best....getting together with family, hanging out and just spending the day together. We've spent quite a few years alone now and one would think it would get easier....but I'm finding it gets more difficult each year. This is why I am verbalizing this here....in hopes it will help me better deal with it. Through my homeopath and a friend who is training to become a homeopath....I am learning emotions and feelings *are* very important....they cannot be dismissed and discarded. They must be dealt with and those that are suppressed.....in the end do us a lot more harm than good. We should not feel bad or guilty about the way we feel. It's what makes us....us. Just because it would not bother someone else, does not mean we should deny it bothers us. We are all different and we really are the sum of everything that happens to us.

Sorry if this sounds like a downer post...I didn't mean for it to be that way. I really wanted to wish all those who are celebrating Thanksgiving this weekend, A Happy Thanksgiving!

7 comments:

Miranda said...

{{Hugs}}

We too moved hundreds and thousands of miles away from extended family. Though my mom lives here now, she usually travels away to one of my various siblings' places for holidays, and we are usually by ourselves for holidays. I think it's been hardest on my dh, who is from a family of 8 children and huge extended-family gatherings ... twenty to forty people for Christmas dinner and such. He is quite nostalgic for that at times. It's easy to get caught up in grieving that your children won't have the same memories of holidays.

However, led by the example of the various social/political/economic refugees who have populated our little village over the past three generations, we've made some progress. Rather than focusing on the memories and traditions we can't be part of, we create our own. Every year we create snow-lanterns on winter solstice, we collect sweet chestnuts from a particular tree for a Christmas loaf, we hike the Galena Trail on Thanksgiving and drink mulled apple cider when we're done. Stuff like that. But our traditions won't work for your family -- the trick is creating them for yourselves.

I admit that there's still some parental wistfulness that survives in the face of these new traditions. But it's clear from the kids' reactions that they get every bit as much joy from our first-generation traditions as Chuck and I did from the extended-family traditions we enjoyed growing up.

Have fun creating your own traditions!

At Home on the Rock... said...

Thanks, Miranda.

If memory serves me right....you and I grew up fairly close to each other (in the grand scheme of this large country that is).

You are sooo right about creating our own traditions and that fact had a large impact on our decision to move here. One thing that drew us to this area, is the strength and importance family has here. This has somewhat backfired on us though...because it magnifies that family thing even more. Oh well...all the more reason to create our own unique family traditions!

Thanks again...

Shannon said...

Happy Thanksgiving to you!

I agree with Miranda, creating your own traditions and making memories with your children are important and can help with that sense of loss of times past.

My dh's family moved from England when the kids were small (dh was 10) and they had no family here. They ended up sharing Christmas Day with another family from England who also had no extended family here. They made their own traditions together and found it a lovely substitute for what they felt they were missing from 'home'.

The two families haven't got together for many years now - everyone is grown up and married, most with children, but everyone fondly remembers the times they spent together.

Wishing you and your family a lovely weekend!

At Home on the Rock... said...

Thanks, Shannon.

Yes, part of the reason we moved here in the first place was so we could start making our own new family traditions/memories.

I think too, this is one of those situations which is different when one is actually going through it....rather than looking in at it. Kind of like....before I was married and I'd be at church on Mother's Day. The sermon always focused on being a mother, having a family, the importance of family etc., and that really magnified the fact I didn't have a family of my own. Even though people would say it doesn't matter, etc...(there was a long list of things people would say), it still made me feel awful. Now after I am married with a family of my own, I see that situation in a different light....and I must say it's much easier to think it isn't a big deal when I am no longer in that situation.

I think it's the same thing here, it's easier for people who get together with family on these holidays, to say it's not that big of a deal to be alone and one should just create new traditions. As with most things, it is difficult to totally understand until faced with it personally.

Becky said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is still another month+ before we have Thanksgiving, You get the sun & thanksgiving before us :-)

cfswarrior said...

Thanks for this post. I needed to read what you wrote.

I can relate to what you said about the Holidays being a bit painful.

I hope you had a wonderful weekend filled with a sense of peace and a tummy filled with good food.

Linda said...

I am finding this with Facebook. I grew up in a medium sized town and it seems small on Facebook since I have first and second cousins around there as well.

All the differences between me and them come up on Facebook.

My kids though have friends all the same from living in this small isolated town. They all seem to be having fun!